


as long as i can

by thewayaround



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Awesome Morgana (Merlin), Established Relationship, F/F, Good Morgana (Merlin), Gwen Knows About Merlin's Magic (Merlin), Gwen Knows About Morgana's Magic (Merlin), Hurt Merlin (Merlin), Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Magic Revealed, Major Character Injury, Merlin's Magic Revealed (Merlin), Morgana Knows about Merlin's Magic (Merlin), POV Alternating, i promise it isn't as sad as you're thinking, why was that not already a tag??
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-22
Updated: 2020-10-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:02:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27146347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thewayaround/pseuds/thewayaround
Summary: He whipped his head back to Merlin so fast his neck burned, watching as the boy’s eyes faded from shimmering gold, one hand extended in the air.The world seemed to slow, shock and anger reverberating through Arthur’s core. He could do nothing but stare, and Merlin stared back, fear, guilt, and something unreadable in his expression.Then, there was a whizzing cut through the air, one that left Arthur’s ears ringing. He watched – helpless, the anger punched out of him – as the arrow buried itself in Merlin’s side.
Relationships: Implied Gwen/Morgana (Merlin), Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 9
Kudos: 599





	as long as i can

**Author's Note:**

> two fics in one week?? what is happening???
> 
> i want everyone to know that i was listening to colbie caillat's "when the darkness comes" and miley cyrus's "when i look at you" while writing this. i highly reccomend listen to those songs while you read this if you want a real punch in the gut.
> 
> enjoy!

They rode out just before dawn.

The air was cold, the seasons changing. The first snow had yet to fall.

The bandits attacked just as the sun began to rise.

The shouting began deep in the tree line, short and quick.

”Did you hear that?” Merlin asked, bringing his horse to a halt on the trail. Arthur rose his hand, and the knights came to a halt.

It came again, closer now.

Arthur waited, listened, and a branch snapped. He saw Merlin’s head snap towards him in his peripheral, and Arthur looked back. “Bandits,” Merlin whispered, his eyes wide, and then they broke through the trees.

Arthur pulled his sword from its sheath in one swift motion, bearing it just as the first bandit swung his sword down.

”On me!” he shouted, the sound of metal crashing against metal filling his ears. A horse near him bucked, and another slammed into his own, nearly sending him from his saddle.

He plunged his sword, and the bandit closest to him fell. His hair fell into his eyes, making them sting as he whipped his head around. A branch cracked near the edge of the trail, falling on the back of a bandit’s horse. It bucked, and the bandit went.

Beside the branch was Merlin, still perched on his horse with wide eyes.

He looked at Arthur and his gaze grew panicked. “Arthur, behind you!” he shouted, and Arthur turned just in time to see the bandit behind him go flying from his horse, pulled from the saddle by an invisible force with his sword still in his hand.

He whipped his head back to Merlin so fast his neck burned, watching as the boy’s eyes faded from shimmering gold, one hand extended in the air.

The world seemed to slow, shock and anger reverberating through Arthur’s core. He could do nothing but stare, and Merlin stared back, fear, guilt, and something unreadable in his expression.

Then, there was a whizzing cut through the air, one that left Arthur’s ears ringing. He watched – helpless, the anger punched out of him – as the arrow buried itself in Merlin’s side.

* * *

The pain was unimaginable; it was unlike anything Merlin had ever felt before. It seeped through his body, so harsh he barely felt it when he hit the ground.

Someone shouted his name, but he couldn’t tell who.

It’s funny, he thinks, that after all this time, a bandit would be the one to do him in.

* * *

Arthur braced his sword as he fell from his horse, ducking between swords and tearing away from hands reaching for him. “Sire!” Leon shouted, but Arthur ignored him. He was a man on a mission, and that mission was to reach Merlin as soon as he could.

* * *

”Merlin.” Hands pulled on his face, and Merlin opened his eyes. Arthur was above him, his hands on Merlin’s jaw, panic on his face.

”I’m sorry,” Merlin breathed, tears welling in his eyes. Every breath hurt. “I’m so sorry.”

”Don’t,” Arthur said, his own voice choked. “Don’t apologize, Merlin.”

”Arthur—“

”Merlin, I swear to _the gods_ if you don’t _shut **up**_!” Arthur snapped, his hands tightening on Merlin’s jaw. It was nothing compared to that of the pain in his side. Then, Arthur’s hands were moving, gathering Merlin close to him. “We’ll talk about this later, _after_ we get you to Gaius.”

”Arthur…” Merlin trailed off, his chest aching as he tried to even out his breathing. “Arthur, I think this is it.”

”Don’t _say that_ ,” Arthur spit. “You’re going to be alright.”

Merlin stared at him, his chest burning with each breath he took. “I’m a sorcerer,” he sobbed, and through the pain, a weight lifted from his shoulders. “I have magic.”

”Merlin, _stop_ ,” Arthur whispered. “Please, just… stop talking.” Merlin let his head roll against Arthur’s shoulder, too tired to keep it up. He closed his eyes when Arthur leaned their foreheads together.

"I love you," he whispered, and Arthur choked. "I've never loved anyone as much."

”Sire,” Leon’s voice said from somewhere near his ear. It registered to Merlin that the fighting had stopped. There was no more sword clashing. It was silent. The weight of Arthur’s head left his. “Sire, there’s nothing we can do for him.”

”Listen to him, Arthur,” Merlin breathed, crying out when Arthur stood, jostling him too much. The arrow moved deeper, and he felt faint. “Leave me.”

” _No_!” Arthur shouted, and Merlin believed it was more to himself than either Merlin or Leon. “Stop _talking_ , Merlin; how many times are you going to make me say it? Save your strength until we can get you to Gaius.”

”Sire—” Leon began, but Arthur continued.

”Leon, my horse,” he said, voice tight.

”I… yes, Sire.”

” _Quickly_ , Leon!” Arthur shouted, and it was the last thing Merlin heard before the pain became too much, and the world became dark.

* * *

They reached the kingdom just before nightfall. Merlin’s breathing was shallow, almost nonexistent. Arthur’s clothes – his hands – were soaked in blood.

Gaius was waiting for them when they returned, as he always did, Guinevere and Morgana at his side. Arthur all but fell from his horse, holding Merlin close and trying not to move him too much, and at the sight of his ward, Gaius nearly collapsed.

Arthur watched as he collapsed against Guinevere’s side, face full of sorrow. Morgana shouted, and then she was bounding across the courtyard to meet them. She fell to her knees in front of Arthur, her hands reaching out to touch Merlin.

”He’s alive,” Arthur told her, his voice quick and panicked. “We have to get him to Gaius’ chambers. Quickly.”

Morgana took a moment, composed herself. “Leon, bring him to the physician’s chambers,” she called. Then, Leon was there, three other nights at his side, and Morgana’s arms wrapped around Arthur as they carefully took Merlin from his arms.

Arthur watched them go, Gaius and Guinevere right behind them. They disappeared around the corner, and he sank into Morgana’s arms as the tears, finally, began to fall from his eyes.

* * *

”He will be alright,” Morgana told him, stroking his hair where they sat in his chambers, the mattress dipped under their weight. She had wiped the blood from his skin, used the blunt end of a needle to clean it from under his nails. She helped him change into fresh clothes, then threw the stained ones into the burning hearth. “Gaius will take care of him.”

Arthur couldn’t find the strength to lift his head from her shoulder. “I should be with him,” he whispered, and Morgana’s hand covered his cheek. He felt her twist, and the skin of her cheek rested against his forehead. The tears welled in Arthur’s eyes again, and he said, “He’s a sorcerer.”

It was silent for a few moments, and Morgana moved again. Her hand pressed into the back of his hair the other on his back. She propped her chin on the crown of his skull. “I know,” she replied, her voice soft.

Arthur pulled back just enough to look at her face. “You know?”

Morgana held her chin high. “I know,” she repeated. “As do Gwen and Gaius.”

Arthur thought for a moment, trying to think of what to say. No words came, so Morgana continued.

”You could have left him in the wood, but you didn’t,” she said, as it were obvious. “Why?”

Arthur stared at her for a few moments, then fell into her chest to muffle his cries. Eventually, when the tears stopped, he was exhausted, and Morgana moved to lay on the pillows, keeping her arms tight around him. It was a welcome comfort, and Arthur let sleep overcome him.

* * *

When Arthur awoke, it was to voices speaking from somewhere near him. He peeled his eyes open and found Morgana and Guinevere speaking by the hearth, their heads ducked close together.

”What is it?” he asked, sitting up so fast the bones in his shoulders popped. The women startled, both turning to look at him. Guinevere’s eyes were rimmed red. He moved to stand, his legs going numb from the movement. “What’s happened?”

”He’s alive,” Guinevere told him, and Arthur nearly collapsed back onto the bed with relief. Nearly.

He rushed to the door, but before he could open it, Morgana was in front of him. “Let me pass,” he told her, and Morgana shook her head.

”I need you to promise me something first,” she said. She lifted her chin, her back against the door. “I need you to promise me you won’t give him up to your father. I need you to promise me you won’t execute him, Arthur, because if you do, I will never forgive you.”

”Nor I,” Guinevere said, moving to stand beside Morgana.

Arthur stared at them. “I would _never_ harm him,” he reassured them.

Morgana continued to stare at him, and Guinevere touched her arm. “Let him go,” she said when Morgana looked towards her, and she did, moving from her place in front of the doorway.

* * *

After an hour by Merlin’s bedside, Gaius draped a blanket around Arthur’s shoulders. He sat beside him on the mattress, dropping his hand on Arthur’s thigh. “Did you know?” Arthur asked him, not taking his eyes from Merlin’s chest, rising and falling evenly. “That he was a sorcerer?”

Gaius didn’t move his hand. “I did, Sire.” He paused, then continued, “I know more than that.”

Arthur breathed in sharply. “What do you mean?”

Gaius squeezed his leg. “I think you know,” he said.

Arthur reached out from the blanket and grabbed Merlin’s hand in his own. “He told you,” he whispered, looking at Gaius over his shoulder.

The physician shook his head. “He didn’t have to, my lord. It took some time, but he began coming back too late. Sometimes, not at all.”

Arthur didn’t say anything; he didn’t have to. Instead, he gripped Merlin’s hand tighter, lifted it to kiss the scared fingers he had grown so used to. Gaius gripped his shoulder, then stood and left the room.

* * *

It was nearly seven days later that Merlin woke.

Morgana came to him during a celebratory feast, leaning over his chair at the table to whisper, “He’s awake.”

Arthur spilled his freshly poured goblet in his haste to stand. Uther was too far in to notice, his cheeks flushed red as he spoke boisterously with the other nobles. If he noticed their departure from the hall, he didn’t say anything, probably thinking Arthur too drunk to continue with the feast.

Gaius was outside of the chambers when they arrived, speaking with Guinevere.

At the sight of Arthur, he smiled. “He’s expecting you,” he told Arthur, reaching to squeeze his arm.

Guinevere smiled at him, too, tucking herself into Morgana’s side when the woman moved to stand beside her. It seemed as though Arthur was not the only one hiding something under Uther’s nose. “We’ll give you some privacy,” she told him, and he pretended not to notice her squeeze the other woman’s hand as she moved away.

Morgana stayed longer, blocking the door like she did in Arthur’s chambers just a few days before. “You have nothing to fear, Morgana,” Arthur told her, his heart fluttering rapidly in his chest. He was _so close_.

”I know that,” Morgana replied. “Just… before you go in there…” She paused, lifted her chin the way she always did. There was no denying her when she did that. “I have magic, Arthur. I helped heal him. I need you to know that.” She reached up to hold his face. “Give him the same promise of secrecy I know you will grant me.”

Arthur stared at her, then pulled her into his arms, tight and rough. There were too many emotions in him. _I helped heal him._ Arthur buried his nose in her shoulder. “Thank you,” he whispered. Morgana’s arms wrapped around him, just as tight as his own, and he knew she realized why he had uttered the words.

She held his face again once they separated, only to pull him forward to kiss his forehead. Then, she was gone, joining Gaius and Guinevere by the door, and there was nothing standing in Arthur’s way anymore.

He took a breath, long and slow, then pushed open the door.

* * *

Merlin’s side still ached. The bandages were tight around his ribs where he sat in his bed, hidden by his tunic and his blankets.

He kept his gaze fixed on the sunlight streaming through his window, listening as the city flowed with life below.

The door clicked open, and he turned to face it. There, he found Arthur, his eyes on Merlin and his hand still on the wood.

Somewhere deep inside of him, Merlin was afraid. He had spent so long hiding, fearing what would happen if Arthur found out about him. What would happen to Morgana, who told him once that if he was found, she would be found with him.

But the part of Merlin that knew Arthur – the part of him that was _loved_ by Arthur… he wasn’t afraid. He was relieved.

Still, despite that, he found himself saying, “I’m sorry.”

A wounded noise came from somewhere deep in Arthur’s chest, and he moved, slamming the door behind him in a haste Merlin had never seen from him before.

He fell onto the mattress, nearly toppling into Merlin’s chest, and took Merlin’s face in his hands. “Don’t you _ever_ apologize for saving my life,” Arthur told him, the words leaving him on a sob. Merlin felt tears rising in his own eyes. “ _Gods_ , Merlin. You have no idea how scared I was.”

Merlin smiled, leaned forward. “I’m not going anywhere,” he said. “As long as I can, I will be here.”

Arthur laughed, wet and choked, and pulled him the rest of the way.

The kiss was wet with tears and, quite frankly, disgusting. It had been only seven days, but Merlin had sincerely believed he would never get to experience this again. When his eyes closed on the trail that day, he thought that was it. That it was over. That he wouldn’t be able to have this _or_ fulfill his destiny. But, in all honesty, his destiny be damned. This, being loved by Arthur, was better than any future he was destined to bring.

He had to pull away to breathe, his lungs still weak, but Arthur didn’t let him get far.

He leaned his forehead against Merlin’s, and together, they breathed.

”Are you mad?” Merlin asked him. “About the magic?”

Arthur didn’t move, didn’t skip a beat before he replied, “No. Never. Never will I be again.”

Merlin smiled, relief flooding through him.

Arthur brushed their noses together, leaned in for one more quick, stolen kiss. “I love you,” he whispered, and it was all Merlin needed to hear.

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr: [sncrlynwtms](sncrlynwtms.tumblr.com)
> 
> come talk to me or send me fic prompts!


End file.
